Thursday, 3 October 2013

Thorsen’s Lemon Cake Recipe – A Delicious Cake from the Future To Quieten That Annoying Person

Hello, it's Thorsen  from The First Sense novel again. I’ve got this guest-blogging-from-the-future-thing down to a fine art now. 

If you’ve read The First Sense novel, you’ll know my recipes not only aim to please, but I tailor some to cure my customers’ psychological illnesses, annoying habits or negative traits - but I'm careful my customers don’t know what I do, so not to be labelled a ‘psyche saboteur.’   

The First Sense author, Nisha P Postlethwaite, tells me several people asked for the recipe for my lemon cake from the novel. I’m flattered, this cake not only tastes divine, but with a little bit of extra special thought, it can be used to shut up overly-talkative people, or those that have nothing good to say. I come across quite a few people like this…I suppose it’s human nature to talk more than necessary (except for when it's important). 

Anyway, this lemon cake is deliciously moist and the fragrant woodiness of the lavender cuts through the sweetness, and dulls any sharp tongues (lavender will always do this if used by the right hands). If you can’t make the lavender shut up who you want to, you'll just have to try a gag instead.

Thorsen’s Special Lemon Cake Recipe 
In this recipe, you can also replace the lavender for rosemary if you like. I often use rosemary to calm neurotically inclined or slightly disorientated people (I get quite a few like that in The Edible Remedy Café, especially around the time of a full moon).

So. Start by preheating your oven to 200°c/Gas mark 6. Grease & line a 30cm round tin or loaf tin. In a large bowl, beat 185g golden caster sugar with 185g of unsalted butter until pale in colour. Beat in 6 free-range medium-sized eggs, one at a time. Add a heaped tsp. of lavender flowers (Nisha says that the sun you actually had in Britain this year has ended and so lavender flowers might not be available - so use dried lavender flowers instead; they’re just as good).  

Grate into the mixture the zest of 2 large, unwaxed, organic lemons (reserving a tbsp. of zest aside). Fold in 300g of ground almonds. Sift in 150g of self-raising flour and mix well. Spoon the mixture into the cake tin. Bake for 35 minutes or until the cake’s a lovely golden-brown colour & risen. Leave the cake in the tin to cool. 

Meanwhile, heat 150g of golden caster sugar in a pan on a medium heat with the juice of 2 lemons until the sugar’s fully dissolved. Insert a fine skewer into the cake and make holes all over it, then pour over this syrup, and once absorbed, carefully remove the cake from the tin and leave to cool.

To make the thin icing , add 250 grams of sifted icing sugar to the juice of an organic lemon, adding a little bit of water if needed. Pour the icing over the cooled cake and sprinkle on the reserved tbsp. of lemon zest and half a tsp. of lavender flowers.

And to Add a Bit of Piece & Quiet…
I realise I’m sharing a long-held secret with you, but it’s not like it's going to ever catch with me or my customers because I’m further in time than you are (and you need the right hands to accomplish this part):

To add the quieting element, cut an eighth slice of the cake. Visualise your subject talking absolute drivel as normal, then introduce a more palatable thing coming out of their mouth – I usually think of flowers - until you can picture that person talking with no noise coming out. Hold on to that image for a moment. 

Take a deep mind-clearing breath, then serve the slice of cake on crockery imprinted or painted with cypress leaves (to strengthen the quietening element.) A piece of cake customised in this way can make a person shut up (or a negative person speak sweetly) for about a month. If the person can eat another eighth of the cake you can prolong the peace for another month and so on.  

Ok, that's me done, but I'll be back soon with another recipe. I’ve got to go help a customer in the future with his ergophobia, or fear of work. I've been deliberating for some time about curing him because he spends a lot of his free time eating at my cafe... but I know it's the right thing to do.

Some of my favourite lemon cake recipes from your time are:

Regards, Thorsen 

The First Sense is available from several online retailers
More information about Thorsen and his previous blog from the future

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